Time: Summer 2010

As I write this, it seems to get faster and faster…….just recently I was in the archives of 92.5 CFBX FM Kamloops, (the rest of the world www.thex.ca) where I’ve been doing a variety of radio shows off and on over the past decade, and I was standing there between shelves of hundreds, no, thousands of CD’s released over the past ten years, and I pulled a disc out, and remembered how much I loved that particular album when it was released….it seemed like yesterday, and then I flipped it over and checked the release date, it was done in 2004…….fuck, I felt old…..and I feel like I’ve not accomplished a goddamn thing since then……

even though I know that is total horseshit…..i’ve had an insane creative output in the past couple years…..a book of poetry released by Kegedonce Press, over three hundred works of art on this blog….a full c.d. of spoken word that I have yet to release (recorded in the summer of 2009) several art shows, many film festival screenings of my short films and music videos……the countless workshops on filmmaking, digital art, and creative writing, and endless amounts of live gigs, poetry and music and otherwise…..

but still it feels like I’m only scratching the surface of my potential……not too mention the five amazing kids I’ve fathered and am doing my best to raise as well as a guy like me can possibly do…..given my circumstances…….I know I want to make feature films and tour professionally again as a musician……and do more books of poetry and creative non-fiction…….it just seems like I’m at the foot of a massive mountain, in the belly of a leviathan, and I feel like I’m scrambling about in a labyrinth and the map I’ve got keeps crumbling in my hands as I charge forward……

but I keep moving forward ‘coz it’s all I know what to do…….hopefully someone will see this and throw me a key to unlike more doors that I can charge through, I don’t really know where I’m going with this……I’m listening to a song called “Kingdoms of Rain” and thinking about a time a few years ago when I was hitchhiking through the Kootenays heading down to see a lover……since then time keeps moving on and so many faces keep coming and going and I hope to remember them all……

I keep thinking I need that lucky break, that one that pushes one into the stratosphere…..into eternity…….

Until next time friends, foe, lovers, fans, family and the like….

I’ll keep trying……

Cb

Ps: music right now: mark lanegan, leadbelly, mr. bungle, kinnie starr, Johnny cash, john frusciante, CR Avery, Big Sugar, Primus, Memphis Minnie, Old Crow Medicine Show, Sly Stone, and Marvin Gaye……..jeez, it’s like I’m doing a ‘Zine again……just now it’s online…..