re: today.....

the sauce. i've put it to rest. feel better, more focused and clear. it's great. it's amazingly beautiful outside today......i'm going to go outside and film while the light is good......i also feel more honest, i am under pressure to be a role model, a good one, and being on the sauce, you make bad decisions, do dumb things, wrong things, sometimes hurtful things to yourself and other people, they lose faith and trust in you, and in short, you can really fuck things up. i fucked up a great deal this past year, but i also had great successes that fueled me to realize a few things before i self-destructed.

and i didn't want to go there, that's a lame place to be, and when you twist things up and make a general mess of your life, sometimes you are left with regret or sorrow. about a month or more ago, i woke up one morning feeling at peace with life. i accepted a few things that were holding me back, my relationship that had finally succumbed to the waves, the struggles to accept it and move on, and what my responsibilities are to my kids and the people i work with when i'm on the road. it was like i put down a heavy burden, a sackful of anguish that was tormenting me. a lot of people have believed in me, and i thank them so much for that, you have gotten me through dark and tough times this year, over many years in fact, and to the people i've hurt, i can only apologize so much and then i have to let things go before they burden my soul, my mind too much and hold me down or back from manifesting this trip into what it's supposed to be instead of what it could have been.

sigh, that's where i'm at today. wish me luck. and......good luck to you dear reader, bonne chance......

cb