hello friends, fans, foe and lovers,
ahhhh, life is temporarily good. looking back on last year, a ton of hardship, lessons lost, lived and learned, and whatever the hell cliche you wanna throw on the fire. i survived and never want to go through anything like it again. i'm getting too fcuking old for such brutal struggle, strife and hardship.
plus, i've got too many kids and i gotta get preparing for their future.
argh, agh, spleck, the thing called "responsibility" is a fcuker. goddamnit.
anyway, i've been strolling down memory lane and thought i'd post a couple old images.
enjoy.
cb
a drawing i did in high school
wow, i wasn't always a fcuking hack.
i'm not fishing for compliments, but damn!
that drawing is TIGHT!
yours truly circa 2006.
now i'm fat elvis. haha.
Some old morbid pomes. what the fcuk was i going through to write such stuff? yeesh. i'm much happier these days. life is good.
Death rattles:
I hear them at night
Calling me like wolves
And I crawl out of bed
And step onto a floor of black widows
Gently I pick up a handful
Wincing in pain as they bite
Eating one after another
Black bulbuous sacks of poison exploding
Red In my mouth
In the next room are piles of black scorpions
And I feel them jab at my feet it’s like walking over beds
Of cactus
I feel tired
And keep moving into the next room full of soft
Pink worms
Here I collapse as scorpions crawl on my face and worms
Shudder beneath me
I can see out the window
At one lonely star in the night sky
I feel a scorpion climb
Into my mouth and it stabs away at my soft red flesh
Everything fades to black
As I crash crying out of some woman’s womb
trapped to begin this deadly cycle again.
If you fear dying:
A crow sows my eyes shut
While a cougar licks my arms and torso
A thick velvety tongue slurping against me
I pray that I can see her insane letters one more time
So when I go
I know it was all worth it
And I wasn’t wrong
And I wasn’t a coward
As I laid my body down
In the soft dewy grass
Feeling the sun bleach my rib bones
While coyotes tear at the flesh
I hear bears fucking in the distance
A full moon
A sharp knife
A decidedly dumb way to go
But I can feel her move beneath me
The mother of all
Pumping and pulsing
One more day
As I grin a broken jawed skeleton grin
Laughing a silent laugh as crows peck at my eyes
And I know it was worth it every penny
To go like this again.
Death is a museum:
My body stares up at the lights
Glowing as some guy tugs at the flesh
With a scalpel
We have never met
We have never talked
We never will reminisce about the past
Or old hockey games
Concerts or drunken stories
He just diligently cuts away
At my chest
And breaks out the bone saw
While his hand moves across memories
A past
A lover’s caress
A kiss
Long forgotten
Tube suck out my blood
As he scoops my stomach
Intestines, lungs and other organs
I stare down at my body
And scream at him
That I am not dead
And this is all just a bad dream
As he begins cutting open my skull
A light spills across the room
And I think of my children.
The sun is tangled like death in black branches:
Crows dance on the wind
Ravens dance on the bones
I smell the sagebrush and taste the dirt
Handful upon handful
As I fall off the cliff
Towards a red earth
Screaming every profanity I know
Cursing everyone who has cut their names
Across my chest and back
Arms and legs
Flames erupt across the sky
And I drink gasoline
Waiting to explode
Before I realize I’m already dead
Sitting at my desk
Answering a phone and taking a message
While behind me a coyote laughs
A wheezing, gasping laugh
I cock a rifle
Put it towards my right eye
And pray all I need is one good eye
To find my way through
The spiritworld
And no one is waiting for me.
I the resurrector of the dead:
I cock the gun
And put it into my mouth
Sweat pours down my forehead
I think of a thousand different things
And wonder if I’m doing the right thing
But I know there is no other way
Out of this situation
She calls my name from the bed
And this distracts me
I should have known better
I think of flying
And staring at the ground
From 36000 feet
Sipping a beer and feeling it tingle
Across my tongue
She calls my name again
And I stretch my body like a hide
Waiting to be tanned
Under a hot sun
And sharp knife
I have fought countless wars
And the medals are stitched
Across my chest again and again for no reasons other than stupidity.
Fuck Death:
I crawl from another womb
One more time
Spitting out afterbirth and placenta
Again
Disgusted at this ritual over and over
Until I know I get it right
I don’t cry this time
And the doctor shakes me
And spanks me
And I put my finger in my mouth
Bored
Confused
He hands me to her
And I suckle at a breast
One more time
Trying to remember the last time I was here
And how I got it all wrong
And fucked up enough
To end up
Here one more time
Waiting and wanting
The secrets of the universe
And to be pure light escaping this hideous place one last time fuck death.
