re: last post of the year?

okay, it's also the one year anniversary of dedicating a year to my art......now what?

look for a job? continue doing what i'm doing now?

sigh, it's also confusing, exhausting and challenging to think about what to do "now".........

mainly i miss the kids, my family, coz, a family is the gift, the love you get sustains you, the magic thing about kids i think is their optimism. they get up each day, play, eat, play some more, and are just so ready to learn, and love and be happy......i miss seeing that every single day......it's so incredible......

i miss seeing them.

well, be well and happy new years!!

i'm getting it together and feel a little better each day.......

all the bets,


cb

last day of the year......

so, here it is, the last day of the year, and it's been insane.....i've done so much art, films and released a book of poetry, traveled a lot, and blah blah.........the price was i lost the wonderful little people in these photos and their mum too......i'm charting a course i created a long time ago......and wish i wasn't......these little people are the most important beings in my life.......i miss them, their mum too, though i know it's over......and so i guess i'm saying, hold onto the ones you love, coz you never know when any of this mortal coil will disappear.....i mean it......so, now i have to sort of rebuild my life again.....and a year ago, a week before christmas was the last time i worked a 'real' or 'steady' job....and have been doing art as a living......basically, i realized being an artist is a self-centered endeavour......and sooner or later you have to look around before it all disappears, i have to accept responsibility for my actions.....well, all the best, i will continue to do new art and stuff over the next year.......don't lose hope......coz one day i know it'll all work out.......

my honour......

during difficult times, as in, when my ex and i break up, for the tenth time......and i realize a few things.....i always turn to leonard cohen and charles bukowski for comfort, instead of, you know, a shrink or something......lame......

and this is one of the pomes that makes me feel less alone.......redux.......

my honour is in bad shape
i'm crawling at a woman's feet
she doesn't give an inch
i look good for thirty nine
but
thirty nine is thirty nine
i'm not even a fallen zen master
i'm this guy in casual clothes
like an aging skater
my lawyer took my words away
and locked them in a safe
i'm defenceless against
her arrogance
her youthful need to "spread her wings"
her amazingly well timed "card pulling"
on me
she has become surprisingly manipulative
but i know when the world is slow
she turns to me
for an easy victory
i'll rise up one of these days
find my way to the airport
i'll rise up and say
i loved you better than you loved me
and then i'll die for a long time
at the centre of my own dismal
lack of organization
and i'll remember today
the day when i was that asshole
in casual clothes
like an aging skater in denial
who couldn't take it any longer.......

paris/vancouver/kamloops 2009

cb

smoke and mirrors

i've got to learn to shut up, and appreciate what i've got. maybe, we all do before we lose what we have......does that make sense?

almost everything....

okay,

not quite everything, a gig in front of sixty thousand people might make it all worth this shit.

prolly not tho.......

i've got to make choices.....

cb

re: everythyng i wanted...

ha ha ha so
fucking lame.

i have everything i wanted, but at the same time, i've lost everything i had to get here.....

ha ha i wonder, is this how it is for everyone who wants it?

ha ha ha i guess it makes everything pointless to get here hey? i miss my kids and my woman. things i gave up blindly to get here.....and you're past times consisted of the strange, the twisted and deranged....

cb

exhausted.

'allo beautiful people......hope you are well out there in cyberia.....i'm well enough, i was quite exhausted this past weekend, but survived. barely.

i'm home for a couple weeks and then off and running like mad for some more gigs and touring jan until march......all ze way across canada....

working on a four or five song e.p. over the next two weeks as well.....

i did some art today as you can see and am very pleased with it, after a week off, it gets easy to get lazy and come up with excuses as to why you aren't doing any art....

meh, i continue.

cb

suite jesus

love and lust.

rez kids.

tempus fugit

i'm in the city, it smells like liquor, heavy cigars, perfume, pastries, meat, falafel, exhaust, addiction and many more things......i guess this art inspired it........

cb

re: the roads....

hey y'all,

sorry i haven't posted anything lately other dime store philosophy and navel gazing....but i've had a lot on my mind, sorta blocking me from art.....plus, i just got an iphone and have been playing with that endlessly, downloading apps and craps. i've also been touring a lot, i did 5 days in five different cities this past week, which was awesome, but exhausting.....it seemed like i got out of the car, did a gig, got back in the car, did another gig, meet, greet, wine, dine, hotel, sleep, back in the car, gig, and so forth.

i'm not bitching, it's just sorta distracting.....this is exactly what i wanted. so i'm happy with it......hopefully the momentum continues to build and we'll just eventually be able to go apeshit wild with this thing and incorporate more media/arts and music into it.....

january is filling up nicely with more gigs, and i'm thinking february will be a good time to hit the road.....edmonton, calgary, lethbridge, regina, saskatoon, brandon, winnipeg are some of the places i'll hit on the road, then fly over to toronto for gigs as well, hitting ottawa and montreal....maybe sneak down to NYC!! in march i'll be in vancouver shooting a music video as well as developing this wicked t.v. series.....that'll feature, well, lots of cool stuff i can't tell you about.....muhahahahaha........

and in the summer, i'm going to take an RV, fill it with digital arts stuff and drive across canada giving shows in every place i stop, sort of like a mobile gallery/studio.....

so, i'll keep you posted, and i promise i'll post some new art up asap.....i've got a few things stashed away for a dry spell........

miss you lots lovers, friends, foe......see you on ze other side.......


cb

re: the time seems slow

as i continue navel gazing, and staring at my shoes, the wall, the cities around me as i travel.....i think more about how yes, most of us are doing the exact same thing we were when this century started, some of us have escaped, some found a door to go through that changed their lives while others still, continue to struggle, to starve, to survive......i guess we're all just trying to find our way, to make our mark, to do something with our lives.....or not. i just read a "coming of age" story called, "Paul Moves Out" by Michel Rabagliati, a comic illustrator from montreal.....it's very clever, and moves you through many years and people before leaving on an interesting note, the quiet of a room after the absence of children. i know this all too well....when my kids go home, the place is unnervingly silent. they have such an incredible bombastic energy, running, jumping, climbing, shouting, playing.....and then they're gone. recently i went to my tattoo guy's place, and they have a lot of kids. i think the most kids of anyone, more than me even, and the house was strangely quiet, and i asked where the kids were and he and his wife said, "oh they're here, they're just downstairs...." and then i picked up my guitar and we started jamming a bit, and sure enough, one by one they all came upstairs to see who was over visiting.....

back in the day, jamming meant booze, loud singing, and stomping feet.....so, the kids were never really excited, and in fact, came to associate music in a negative way.....hopefully that'll change, but what i noticed was how big the kids got, and they were not little kids anymore......they came up, said hi and saw everything was okay and went back downstairs....probably relieved we were no longer crazy boozers.....and in face, the jam was really, really good...i belted out a few songs, grant sang a few, and i played lead guitar for his stuff, noodling around, and it was really great fun....sober nonetheless.....to be honest, i envied them, because somehow, over the years, the struggles, the poverty, the partying, and everything else, all the people who have come and gone in their lives, they were still together and in love.....a visible real love and their kids had a safe, warm house to live in, while my ex and i had gone through similar things, we had fallen by the way, and i mourn the loss. we attemped, to be fair, half-heartedley a couple times, to reconcile, but things seemed to work against us, almost as if fate were playing a cruel game. i now haven't seen my kids in nearly two weeks. that's two weeks i'll never get back. i miss them so much, it aches in my heart, and i struggle each day to look on the bright side of things.....they have such a wonderful energy, and the cute kids smell, my daughter's hair, my son's wild, bouncing energy, his eyes that everyone seems to love.....which, incidently, he gets tired of hearing about ha ha.....i also have a baby daughter, but i hardly get the chance to see her.....she looks remarkably like her mother....it's weird......anyway, i guess finding a way out of this is my goal......to change the future, let go of the past and exist in the now is easier said than done.....

yesterday, i was in the coolest pawn shop i know of, it's in Vernon, called the 30th ave pawnshop, it is unbelievable, and the guy who runs it is quite the character.....he always drinks beer and smokes cigarettes, no matter what time i go there......tells it like it is, and seems to be a land-locked pirate.....i'll post some photos later......anyway, we chatted a bit, and told me some pretty good advice......which you'll have to wait to hear....coz i gotta go.......later skaters,


cb

buddhas

re: new stuff coming down

hey peeps,

i've been working on some new stuff....i'll post it shortly, been pretty busy doing readings, launching the new book and other things....

but something i've been thinking about a lot lately is, time.....as in, what will i, or you, or your spouse, your mates be doing in five years? it seems to me, most of us let time slide by and nothing much changes......

right now, i'm in a strange place, in that i don't "work" a nine to five job any more, i do contract work and travel often.......i think this is better for me, and for society at large, as i'm no longer a miserable so and so......time goes by so quickly, most of the people i know are doing the exact same thing they were at the start of this century.....it's kinda weird......i can't think of any that have changed their financial, social or academic status, though, many have changed their marital status a couple times.....single moms i know remain single moms, the kids are getting older, the mums are a little more jaded, a little more bitter, but nothing much has changed, single dads become players again, and bought new houses and restarted their lives, people i know in the retail/service industry are still there slaving away for the shit wages, why i don't know, artists and or musicians i've known have either quit and never play or create art anymore, or if they are serious about it, moved to larger centers....and are still trying, writers i know are still creating new stuff and publishing new work..........i've seen marriages come and go, i can count on one hand the "successful" ones.....i've seen so many trends and fads come and go, this town go from a mill town to a call centre town back to a retail town.....i've seen people get addicted and lose it all to a little white rock or a powder.....i've seen some lose it all to the bottle.....and i see some couples struggling with their families and finances......it is so weird to step back from this weird thing called "reality" and watch what's going on around you.....in my world, a week can be the longest amount of time ever, or it flies by unbelievably......all this makes me wonder where my life is going to be in five years......ideally, i'll be on tour playing music or promoting a book....i'm sitting on three manuscripts of creative non-fiction and another book of poetry....not too mention a ton of music......what it all boils down to is getting it out there and done.....five years ago i was working in a field pulling weeds on an organic farm, bitter, tired, broken and sad.....now i'm developing a t.v. series, promoting a book, and getting ready to suck it up and step up to the mic and start creating music and using my voice......it's been a long painful road, and so much has been lost, to gain what i know now.....i miss my family, but i keep moving on......

cb

re: awright.

so, i'm looking at some older manuscripts, five or six year old manuscripts....and, nothing much has changed in the world, other than the hell i've been through.....

it has taken a long time to get here, where i am at this moment, and i've lost so much to get here.....but i will not quit, and i must persevere down this road that is infinitely wide.....

along the way, i've seen and met a lot of people, some i've seen carried away by the undertow of life, sex and death, others, lost to partying, to addictions, to madness, to love, and those closest to me, again and again we've tried.....i would try again, until we get it right it's worth each attempt.....

today i hung out with an old friend, he came up to my studio, we jammed a bit, but mainly sat around chatted about the past couple years.....i realized that i tend to isolate myself from people, and i need to continue doing what i am doing right now.......

staying sober, working hard, and getting things done.

well, i should go before i start blubbering.......i also learned an old friend passed away tonight in a fatal head-on collision.....yesterday, i drove past a fatal car crash on the number one, the trans-canada, the cops were there the ambulance, the car was covered in a tarp, and there were no sirens....they were all smoking except whoever flipped their car end over end until they died....it's been an intense few months....

well, good luck to you, and i'll post some new art the next day or two.....

cb

sorry is the hardest thing to say sometimes......

you know when you say something so stupid or do something totally idiotic, and instantly regret it.....well, sometimes sorry is the hardest thing to say.......i miss my kids, i love them. i'm bored in this little town, but for now, this is where i am.

and i'm learning new cool things in photoshop!! WOOT!!!

the kids!

today, i met someone who knew so much more than me in many ways, one of the things i learned was this incredible photoshop technique above.....and i had been trying to capture how much i love my kids without.....you know, being super bad cheesy....i think this technique works pretty damn well.....

just goes to show, sometimes the teacher ends up being taught a thing or two......

today

the past year of my life has taken me all over the province, and i've collaborated with a lot of really amazing people, made great new friends, worked with incredibly talented first nations  youth and generally saw and did as much as i possibly could......not bad for starting the year off on the dole...ending it with a book deal, and hopefully more possibilities and opportunities......

i'm starting to feel like that replicant at the end of bladerunner, the last one deckard has to kill....and how he talks about all the things he's seen in his life time......this collection of images is only a few of the thousands i have......a great many were lost, like the time i held a street sermon in my underwear on granville street while standing in front of an x-rated theatre screaming through a megaphone......actually, running around vancity in my underwear for some reason.......anyways, life is what you make it......so shut up and go for it.......

cb

re: book launch foto

here's a photo of my book launch......from yesterday, i had just arrived back from purolator with a box of books, which i sold all of.....next up is vancity, dec. 13, sunday, 7-9 pm at the grunt gallery......

thanks to jo brown, nathan matthew of the aboriginal education centre at TRU, and ashok mathur of the cicac for promoting and presenting this launch, it was awesome, and by the time i actually started, the place was packed to standing room only.....it was nuts.....and i could do this every day for a year and still want more.....

on another note, i've been a self-employed artist for a year now, i was laid off one week before christmas from my role with the sces, and i wouldn't change a thing career wise. it's been amazing, the places i've seen, the people i've worked with and the projects i've been a part of.....thank you for your support, and i couldn't be here with you!

cheers,


chrisbose.

the advocates of el diablo......

today is the day! we launch my book
"Stone the Crow"
in Kamloops, and on the 13th, we launch it in Vancity......

yippee!!!

my new album is done-ish.....and ready......

here's the cover art, albeit, temporary art for my new album, which i'm temporarily calling "Burning in Water, Drowning in Flame."

it's spoken word, but the comparisons to tom waits and leonard cohen have already slapped my face and i'm cool with that......it could be worse lolz.......

anyway, i recorded it this past summer by myself, in the grips of fear, determination and self-loathing, and i did all the vocals in one morning, most of them in one take......

the music took a couple months.......

check it out here:

www.myspace.com/paganmachine


but, i'm already working on another album, it will be live, feature singing, collaborations, recorded off the floor and hopefully will be done and released or ready for release by january.......end of january......it has to find a good home, and a tour and all that sort of stuff, and i'm busy promoting my book so, you know......it'll happen when it happens.....either way, i'm pretty goddamned happy right now with the way things are going!!

at last.


cb

red skulls equal DANGER!!!!

idle worship....

we all live, love, hope and ultimately, die.

well, at least some of us.....suckers.......


cb

i'm working on some cool video stuff......at least, i think it's cool......

my youtube channel 'coz i can't upload videos any more here.....

a memorial.......

this is a historical commission i've been working on for a few weeks now, and it's gone through it's fare share of changes, but ultimately, it's worth it and i really like this particular image..........reading it is a bit heartbreaking though, because it's a hundred years old, and really, the chasm between native and non-native people is still as wide and bottomless as ever.....sigh........

re: lost art....

i was just sorta flipping through this blog, and can't believe all the friggen art on it.....there's so much stuff i don't even remember doing, i don't know if that's good or back, but still......wow, but i've been hammering away at it every day for year, so, i would hope i've got something to show for it......

i'm going to post some new stuff tonight and get back at it.....

cb

your past times, consisted of the strange, and twisted and deranged, and i liked that little game you called, crying lightning......

re: small towns......

man,

it seems like i've been here forever, but i've only been home three weeks, give or take a few days here and there away.......i really need to get it together and finish this album i'm working on.....all original tracks, bass, drums, guitars, vox.....catchy stuff......it's gonna be like a native version of faith no more......

tonight i drove around for about an hour, listening to the arctic monkeys, the sword and mark lanegan......at times, a small town seems so empty, so claustrophobic, and plain old dull......everything shuts down at six bells....

last night i had my kids and it was so amazing, god, when they go home it's such a big come down for me. i talked with their mum, and she told me i don't have to see or deal with what happens after i drop them off.....but, really, i do, because my life suddenly gets so hollow, and sometimes i just want to die coz it's so hard to be without them.

i miss my family so much, and i realize a lot of the mistakes i've made in the past with my ex, and i feel ashamed sometimes.......that i was so stupid. so stubborn. ack, just thinking about it makes me burn with shame....so many times in my life i've pissed it away, but not anymore.....i know the older you get, the less life and the cosmos gives to you, and starts taking.....but i'd give anything to have my kids, my family back......you know those moments in life that shine so bright, you never want those precious times to end.....

i should just shut up and get some sleep. no art today folks, i've been working with video stuff the past few days, but strangely, as i mentioned in the previous post, can't seem to upload any video anymore....wtf?

will be start working on new bold directions in my art very soon, so long as a potential key person doesn't back out......here's two fingers crossed on that one......

take care y'all......


cb

re: hmmmmm

well, i wanted to post some of the new video stuff i've been doing.....and for some reason, i can't. weird. so i'll post it on my internet channel and post the link i guess.....

damn.

eye love technology....

a few years ago, i was a total luddite, my ex and i shunned t.v., society, the corporations and all evil's we could handle and were basically vegan, anti-corporate, self-employed whackos......i busked all the time to make rent and bills, we learned how to can food, make sauces and jams, and basically lived a really healthy life. we got 'into' each other and lived a quiet life, it was great. then it ended, as all romance, love, lust and such invariably do reach a finite conclusion.

now, i'm a lover of technology, and my life is inextricably connected into the machines.....and it's really strange and challenging to go a day without technology and the internet.......my last hold out is the cell phone and i'm fighting getting one all the way......

but what i could use is an assistant......someone to help book gigs, tours, help with exhibitions, readings and workshops.......if you know that person who would be willing to do that and get paid, let me know.......

'coz all this administration is a nightmare.......

cb

re: today.....

the sauce. i've put it to rest. feel better, more focused and clear. it's great. it's amazingly beautiful outside today......i'm going to go outside and film while the light is good......i also feel more honest, i am under pressure to be a role model, a good one, and being on the sauce, you make bad decisions, do dumb things, wrong things, sometimes hurtful things to yourself and other people, they lose faith and trust in you, and in short, you can really fuck things up. i fucked up a great deal this past year, but i also had great successes that fueled me to realize a few things before i self-destructed.

and i didn't want to go there, that's a lame place to be, and when you twist things up and make a general mess of your life, sometimes you are left with regret or sorrow. about a month or more ago, i woke up one morning feeling at peace with life. i accepted a few things that were holding me back, my relationship that had finally succumbed to the waves, the struggles to accept it and move on, and what my responsibilities are to my kids and the people i work with when i'm on the road. it was like i put down a heavy burden, a sackful of anguish that was tormenting me. a lot of people have believed in me, and i thank them so much for that, you have gotten me through dark and tough times this year, over many years in fact, and to the people i've hurt, i can only apologize so much and then i have to let things go before they burden my soul, my mind too much and hold me down or back from manifesting this trip into what it's supposed to be instead of what it could have been.

sigh, that's where i'm at today. wish me luck. and......good luck to you dear reader, bonne chance......

cb

worshipping at the temple of desire.....

time is passing by and i know it and feel it every day......

oh yah!

i made this awhile back and forgot to post it......

the more things change, the more they don't....all this impending olympic madness.....hype.....

Stone the Crow!

here's my new book, stone the crow, and the cool cover!!

http://kegedonce.com/book_detail.php?BookID=102

check it out and order your copy now!!!

cb

Stone the Crow is released by Kegedonce Press!!!

stone the crow link!!! check it out!!!

Stone the Crow is released by Kegedonce Press!!!

hey y'all,

my first book of poetry has been just released by Kegedonce Press, ten years and more of poetry......

here's a link to it, so go now!

 http://www.kegedonce.com/book_detail.php?BookID=102

GO and check it out!!!

read the reviews!!!


and please do buy a copy, it's christmas time, and everyone needs some good, edgy poems to make life sweeter!!!!

chrisbose.

skull blade eye

time is moving on and waits for no one......

space, time, and death....

it's friday the 13th, how could i not do a post about mortality?

thee eye

jayda.

first nations film nights....i run'em.....

i'm organizing some first nations film nights here at TRU.......

today, i was having a coffee and doing some work on my laptop.....and noticed i was surrounded by boomer women......it was unnerving......i don't work a normal job, through hard work and being creative, i've been exempted from that pill, that universal alibi, but i am always busy, getting gigs and lining up workshops and what have ye, apparently, i'm part of the "creative economy".....so what this means is, i'm often the only younger dude out and about this smallish town called kamloops......during the working hours........it's not so obvious in larger centers, because there is a larger variety of jobs and hours people keep......it's weird nonetheless to be busy doing something and looking up from your laptop to discover you're surrounded by ravenous  hordes of zombie boomers blabbing about shit that ain't even real or matters......we all live in various bubbles......some of us choose to look around to see what else is going on sometimes........

meh, whatever.

soul realization........

i'm entering a weird new era in my life where fast cars, guitars and loud music seem to be dominating right now........

keep you posted......told you things would be changing......i can feel it in the air........

bug eyed

choices.......we all have to make them........

choices, life is about choices.......today mine is a fast car or a beautiful woman, or spirituality?

i think i'll take all three thank you very much.........


cb

in it's right place........

the first chris bose died somewhere on a battlefield in europe in 1916, sometime during the fall season.
i am the third chris bose to come down the line, and though there are no "great" wars in my lifetime, i am part of the larger struggle for equality and justice for the first nations of canada. we are the hidden history, there is still a staggeringly large divide between majority and minority canada in every way you can imagine: financially, health, education, freedom, and equality.

on seemingly random another note, i just picked up the deluxe re-release of radiohead's album "KID A" and it seems like just yesterday i was waiting anxiously for it. that was oct 3, 2000 it came out, which in some ways feels like a lifetime ago. i was living on battle street, downtown across from the WW I and II cenotaph. i distinctly recall the day it came out, i was up and out the door to buy it from "Spinner's" record store, which is long gone. anyways, i remember getting back home, it was a beautiful fall day, the leaves in the trees in the park beside my house were gold and orange, like a fire, and i had a coffee as i listened to it, and will never forget those first five notes of the keyboard in the first song, " Everything in it's right place." it's hard to believe that was nine years ago. that was an influential moment in my life, a turning point, because it made me re-evaluate my pre-conceptions of music, and tore down what i knew about radiohead. a point of reinvention, something i do constantly and consistently, usually without reflection.

the fall season is always a time of reflection for me, the seasons are changing, the leaves turning colour and the weather cools down, usually after a super intense summer here in the 'loops. that was an interesting fall, the one of 2000, my roommate was shane henley and we both were just out of the wreck's of relationships with our spouses. partying was definitely on our horizon, and somehow i survived the thoroughly wicked debauchery, e.g., that halloween i was decked out as a nun for the party we had and it was pretty crazy. i notice life goes in cycles, i have a real high period of accomplishments and success of some kind, followed by a lull while i experiment with reinvention.......

outside the sky is clear and beautiful, i've got three meetings today, a book coming out within weeks and i know this is another period of transformation......into what i don't know.......hopefully it'll be a hell of a ride.......

cheers,


cb

the wilfrid laurier memorial

sir wilfrid laurier.....