re: 3 new pomes for the fire.......

Faces and Places:

Looking at photos

I feel a strange disconnect

To my body

And my actions

Love and betrayal

Loyalty and lust

Make strange

Lovers

People I have hurt

I have loved

Can be defined

Lined

Shaped

Into little images

On a screen

On a piece of paper

Sometimes little lines

On a paper

It doesn’t matter

I struggle to remain

In control

Of memories

And further behaviour

So I might scratch another day

From this shell

Of a man

Even if there is no

Redemption.

That night:

God

I remember that night

It haunts me

We hit it off

Sparks towards the fire

The firewater

The stories

The flirting

The smokes

And then more drinks

As we fought

Another dark

Winter night

Battled depression

The struggle

Of a small town

Trying to swallow

Us whole

The madness it brings

And I remember

Your laughter

And your eyes

As you stood over me

The blade between

Your hands

Just before you

Brought it down

Smashing it into

My chest

Past the flesh

And the blood

And bone

Into my heart

One

More

Time.

Flashes between the fire:

I am

A haunted man

Staring at the darkness

Between the flashes

Of the fire

Faces

And places

Forests

And fields

Highways

And cities

Rattle through my head

Like a train

At dawn

After a night of white lines

And fine whiskey

Sometimes

I feel remorse

Other times pain

Sometimes even nothing

As I sit up

And walk

Towards the fire

Knowing I have sacrificed

It all

For an education

In the world

And I write this

As a warning

A scream

On the edge of a mountain

Do not follow

In my footsteps

Choose another profession

See another light

As I struggle

Through the darkness

Untangling myself

From umbilical tombs

And barren cities

Scraped of all that is left

Like a hide

Stretched out

Waiting to dry.

re: upcoming show at Alternator Gallery in Kelowna, BC!!!!

come one, come all to this show that is going to kick ass!!!

re: downtime....

the road.

i don't know how to explain it, i've been on touring cycles for so long now, two or three weeks out, back for a week or a couple days, do laundry, check the calender, double check things and head back out. i've put close to twenty thousand kilometers on the car. it's hard to explain it, gigs, happy faces, people excited to meet you, hear you do your thing, play some guitar, read some poetry, then meet and greet after, sign some books and then off to a pub to check out a band or something. i love it, and people are so happy to see you, so when you come off the road, you get the doldrums.......everyone knows your schtick in your hometown and aren't all that excited anymore! ha ha! so that's part of the reason i keep heading out! you get hooked to the applause, the meets, the greets, the smiles and good vibes. plus, people always want to show you the best their town has to offer, be it an amazing viewpoint of the city, or the mountains, or a lake, or the ocean or whatever. i haven't been home longer than a week and i go stir crazy! now, i'm starting to reflect on the places, the faces and the things i've seen. it's pretty amazing, i miss my kids the most, but it's a lifestyle i can't imagine leaving. now, how do i keep the damn thing moving along and how do the shows and venues get crazier?

in the meantime, i've got some great news, alongside the new anthology

W'daub Awae: Speaking True : A Kegedonce Press anthology

Edited by Warren Cariou

that i've got plenty of new poetry in, i've also got some art shows coming up!

June 18 – July 31, 2010

at the Alternator Gallery in Kelowna, BC!

It's gonna be a crazy show, i hope you can make it! keep you posted on the details!

As well, i've got a show coming up in Kamloops, BC, July/August, but i'll get back to you on the details, it'll be at Arnica Gallery at the Old Courthouse.

until then, i'll see you somewhere down the road......


cheers,



cb

re: reading in winnipeg tonight!

hello friends, lovers, appreciators, foe, family and everyone in between,

i'm reading tonight in winnipeg, at Aqua Books, and i've been having a great trip so far, a quick one, but worth every bit of it!

had a great flight over yesterday, fun at the skybar, last one on the plane outta calgary and chilling out today in winnipeg.....

http://www.aquabooks.ca/events.php#kegedonce

there's link regarding tonight's festivities!

check it out!

re: new pomes

right, so these are fresh new pomes, wrote tonight and here for your literary pleasure........

It’s two thirty

And I’m avoiding

My most recent love affair

Where I left a beautiful guitar

And clothes

And poems

And a tiny bit

Of my heart

And a shadow of my soul

That she trapped in a box

Of mirrors

To look at and laugh at

When the world

Turns her away

But I won’t go

Down that easy

I’ll fight it

I’ll rise up

From the ash

And the powder

And gin

And scream at the sky

I loved you

At the same time

You loved

Me

And then we smashed it all

Against

That concrete building

In Vancouver

and while we had

hot sex

in the window

I knew it was all

Coming to an end

And with each push

With each thrust

I had no expectations

Of eternity

Of glory

Of certainty

No, I just wanted

That last push

And a kiss

And a warm bed

One more night.

At 2:43 a.m.

I’m caught

I’m seized

By panic

Like a beast

Trapped in a net

As the sun rises

Over the forest

The fog rising

The mist settling

Over the long green

Blades

Of grass

Gathering in buds

Of flowers

Waiting to bloom at dawn

I am a coyote

In the mountains

Waiting to howl

Waiting to hunt

Waiting to kill

And then I hear a train

The pounding it makes

Against the rails

And

That’s when I remember

I am a man

A human

And

Not a beast

And that I have court in the morning

And a lawyer to meet

And a statement to write

And a soul to defend

But I realize

I have the days confused

And I have another

Twenty four hours

To redeem myself

To save myself

From the drama

Of the woman

And the man.

A higher form:

I keep defending myself

In bordellos

In whorehouses

In garages

In university classes

In the mouth

Of love

And desire

That I am a strong man

And a

Weak man

But what it all comes

Down to

Is those final hours

At the end

Of the night

After eight hours

Of drink

And smoke

And song

And promises

That I will always

Be there

And

We love

We bond

We strike together

And

Connect

Before the hangover

Before the vomit

And

That long endless slow crawl

To the toilet

And the kitchen sink for a glass

Of water

And that final kiss

To end the night

And walking towards the car

Before the sun rises

And we all

Become mortal

Again.

I lie to her:

Again

And again

Telling her

That I don’t love

Her

And we drink

And we smoke

And we have sex

As we travel down

A road

That is infinitely wide

And without direction

Towards a destiny

Towards

A fate

That I know will

Ultimately end

As quickly

As it started

And while it lasts

I will get

Every pound of flesh

That I possibly can

Off of her

And love her tightly

In the bed

In the shower

In a chair

In a hotel on Granville street

Before it all

Falls apart

And I will be

The one leaving

With an aching heart

One more time

you have the lovers.....

coyote, death, and desire......

i burn bright, night after night, coyote, death and desire.........

re: urban coyote biz card

here's my shill, my new card, which i guess means i'm open for business.....film, graphic design, digital art, etc........

obzen

burning in water, drowning in flames.......

i often have dreams of angels, and burning water........and then this beautiful redhead saves me every time.....so far........

ze perilous misadventures of jesus coyote 2010 A.D.

re: my muse......

this is actually my ex, she's good with a gun and martial arts.....we have a kid together, and she did plenty of modeling for me..........we get along alright, one of my most recent ex's commented on how much she admired my ex's......and now she's part of the team ha aha! do i seem shallow? ha ha kidding! thank you bill hicks for that line.......






in the meantime, i'm gonna get mean and crank out some mean art......i hope you are ready for the ride....

re: beware a woman with a gun.....

re: i'm back to earth again!

hello friends, lovers, haters, fans, stalkers, appreciators, and more......

i'm back to earth, after a whirl-wind several months touring all over b.c.

and i'm not as tired as i should be.

but i am determined to get more art/writing done and will once again be back to the old grindstone and shall be posting new stuff asap!

love is a funny thing, it can be very, very distracting for artists, and when i tend to dive into it, i tend to go all the way.....

i think i get more done when i'm not distracted by it, so i'll stay out of it for awhile and get back to what i'm good at, which is creating art and such.....

thanks for staying tuned and i'll have something up today and hopefully every day after this post!

hugs, kisses and such,

chris bose.

The crow is at my lips......

The flood and the fire are true:

The bone and the gristle are true

The snake and the bite are true

The corpse and the stench are true

The homeless and the poverty are true

The knife and the meat are true

The flawed and forgotten are true

The lover and the baby are true

The street and the exhaust are true

The smoke and the sewers are true

The sunset and the night are true

The moon and the lovers are true

The blood and the blade are true

The planes and the ground are true

The thunder and the lightning are true

The pawnshops and the hunger are true

The addictions and alcohol are true

The need and bills are true

The struggle and hope are true

The family and the love were true

But I lost my way

And in turn

Lost them

And now I struggle through it all

To find my way back

To a beginning without them

At the end of the day

It’s not how you died

But how you lived

And what you have left behind

For the ones

You loved.

 

The crow is at my lips:

The snake is in my bones

The worms dig inside of me

The eyes were the first to go

Live with her a few months

You’ll know the longest days of your life

I loved her though

Enough to have three kids

Car payments, rent, bills, and the noise

Something was wrong inside her

It was like being in a drunken boat

Never knowing which way it was going

How long it would last this time

Before the next break up

Towards the end there she got good

Knives would unfurl from her tongue

Blades would sing by my head

She said I was just like my mother

She really knew how to hurt a guy

I ran for the door

The crow was at my lips

The snake inside my bones

I thought of our children

But knew I had to escape

Even for just a little while

Until she cooled off

Until she made sense

But that didn’t happen

Another guy happened

But that’s okay now

She’s his problem now

And I just want to see our kids

There’s no going back

She’ll probably end up knocked up again

I know her routines

She is so lost

And has no family

It is painful to watch her

I know her addictions

I don’t know her plans

Just as long as she doesn’t drag

The kids through hell

The crow is at my lips

The snake inside my skull

I am a lonely night

Full of people wanting to die

Wanting to live

Wanting a way out

But not willing to work for it

I am the curse on her lips

The drag of her cigarette

The glimmer in her eyes

As he mounts her from behind

And slowly slips it inside her.

 

This is as real as it gets:

The cold sea wind on my face

The water crashing against the shore

The dark sky above

The tattered sails as we push towards land

The thunder booming loud and hungry

The beer and wine were green and lousy

I think back to shore leave and

The young deck hand

With some whore in his arms (strangely, she looked like my ex)

As he worked it in and out

And she moaned and her red hair tossed

And flowed

That smile on his face

That malice in his eyes

Feral and hungry

I couldn’t take it

I smashed everything

Took a box of memories to mail back

The boat heaves

The hull groans

The captain is down

And its just me and the deck hand

And I’ll make sure only one of us

Makes it to shore.

season change over.....

hello friends, lovers, strangers, enemies, stalkers and the like.......

something happened to me last night, i can't really explain it other than i think i've confronted what's been stressing me out the past few months, a plethora of things really, worried about this, about that, about many things and you know what?

it's not worth the bother, i feel a strange calmness today, perhaps it has to do with the fact i played a lot of guitar and sang my ass off all weekend, some sort of healing or something happened. i let go of stuff perhaps. i dunno. or the season change over, it was so beautiful here in the 'loops all weekend......blue skies, clear nights.......

i reckon, hell, come what may, i'm just going to go for my lot in life and anyone up for the ride is more than welcome to come......

stress, control, worry, they're all negative energies and silly as shit, so i'm not feeding into that vibe any longer......

i wonder if it's cause i saw a lot of sad, tragic wasted human potential this past weekend, people i knew and respected or whatever, i saw their talent destroyed, i saw them living in fear, it made me realize that i have to get it together and really go for what i want to do with my life, which is play gigs and tour like mad. i saw people paralyzed and actually physically ill because of the way they were living or the fear of breaking out of the caste that people expected them to stay in.......too afraid to take that next step, and just wasting away who they were........it was weird.

i guess it was a wake up call, so, i ain't wasting any more goddamn time and i'm gonna seriously get down to business........

lots to do, will keep you posted as i continue to slog it out.......


hugs and kisses,



chrisbose.

lucky.

i've lived, stumbled, staggered, wandered endlessly around and discovered many things in this world.....but none made more sense until i met this goddess......hopefully she won't tear my heart apart......and if she does......what glorious pain it shall be......or, just kidding!

cb

re: omfg!

hye,

friends, lovers, enemies, strangers, fans, estranged, etc....

i just stumbled upon this site and totally forgot about it.....from several  years back when i was doing solo stuff......

http://radio3.cbc.ca/#/bands/Chris-Bose

do check it out.....

until next time,

cb

yes.

these are the great days........

These are the great days:

I’m at her house

It is very comfortable

It is very warm

It is feminine

yet creative and bold

She is very beautiful

And charming

And has a baby

Who is also beautiful

And charming

And together

Her and I drive around

In the day

At night we drink wine

And gin

And beer

And vodka

We play music together

Every night

The conversation is engaging

Her cooking is tremendous

We make plans to conquer the world

She worries we’ll stop making art

And I tell her not to worry

Because there is no other way out

of this boring sterile world

I think she is skeptical

But trusting

And I am trusting

And like any man

With a beautiful woman

Feel blessed to be in her presence

And though all the hell

I’ve been through

In the recent past

I don’t feel trepidation

Or fear

As we let nights and days

Fall from the calendar

And I don’t fear

Us

Ever stopping

The creativity

Or the time between us

Or what people will say

Or contentment

Or boredom

Because I know we’re both

Too crazy for that to ever happen

And I’m going to strike the iron

And stoke the forge

And fan the flames

For these are the great days at last

And I never want them to end.

Wake up:

You wake up

On her bed

Its nice and warm

The traffic drones outside

She lays beside you

Her long dark hair

Always looks perfect

You trace the outlines of her face

With your finger and

Move in for a kiss

As she continues to sleep

Watching her for a few moments

Before slipping out of bed

Down the hall to the bathroom

And then into the kitchen to make some coffee

As you wait for the water to boil

You wonder where she has been

All this time

While you were in the madhouses

The factories

The dead end jobs

The other women each seeming

To be more crazy

Than the other

And all those horrible nights

Those lonely nights

The ones you got down

And prayed

For mercy

For tenderness

For a lover

And then those aching minutes

Between drinks

In run down bars in other cities

Some days raining

The window beating a pitter patter

Of sorrow as the water

Streamed down

Some days sunny

But you still in the pubs

Escaping the heat

The sweat

The dust on your brow

Sweat streaming down your back

Sipping shitty beer

Praying you don’t end up like the rest

Where was she all that time

Between the dark and night

And it was her eyes

You saw hope and promise

Brilliant as a star cutting

Through the darkness

Saving you at last.

Shacked up:

We had been shacked up

Up six weeks solid

Day in

Day out

On the road

Town to town

Doing whatever we wanted

Just traveling

Doing gigs

Taking hundreds of photos

Of our journey

Living the good life

She brought her baby

I brought our guitars

And our car was sometimes smelled

as hungover

As we were

But we didn’t care

We had moments of clarity

Moments of desire

Moments of laughter

Moments of tenderness

And vulnerability

And we didn’t care what the world thought

We weren’t alone

We had each other

And that was all we needed

To hold back the darkness

The gossip

The boredom

The envy

The hate

Of a small town

We had finally started to escape.

re: a slight change of plans...

friends, lovers, strangers, foe, brothers, sisters and all

i'm doing more text based stuff, new poetry and such.......but the art shall be back...

hugs,

cb

all i know is this:

All I know is this:
The gill net we used to use
When I was younger
Used to catch salmon
But it doesn’t anymore
The land I grew up on
Is poisoned
And we cannot eat the game
Or what we grow
Or the water that flows
All I know is this:
The cleaver and the bone
Are not only a tool for a butcher
But a select few women
That know the path
Clear and sharp to my heart
Words also cut
Into soft flesh
All I know is this:
I miss my children
By the minute
By the hour
And I will never abandon them
And the night is terrible
For that’s when I miss them
The most.
All I know is this:
Love is you wretching
Up your stomach
When you get dumped
Praying for the bullet
To cure your aching heart
The headache that won’t go away
All I know is this:
The bullfighter doesn’t always win
Hemingway blew away his promise
My father cut my umbilical chord
And walked away
Drowning his soul with a bottle
All I know is this:
Every street I walk down
I carve my name into the pavement
I scream at the buildings
My words bounce around the glass
And steel and concrete
Losing my self a little bit every day
All I know is this:
The streets are filled
With beautiful temptations
And you have to be aware
Of the blade
The pills
The sacrifices people make
All I know is this.

I am a moon made of copper.

I am a moon made of copper:
Made of glass
I will know your dreams
I will eat your memories
I will devour your love
I will tear down the night
Drive down your roads
Past your homes
Your sleeping families
Your tender dreams
I will skin them like a cat
Put your chair against the door
The butcher knife on the counter
The pills by the water
I will wring you dry
Like a wet rag
I am a moon made of copper
Made of glass
Made of war
Crushing stones in my mouth
I will burn down your cities
I will love my woman
I will pay my lawyer
I will think about the small rooms
Before the parasites
Before I made you these promises
Before I took it all back from you.

breathing fire

in some cultures, breathing fire is not a magic act, or a feat of wonder, but rather, it is an ordinary everyday occurrence. in many ways, breathing fire is a way of life for me. it protects me, it saves me, it heals me. and sometimes, along the way, if you are lucky....and open to the mystery of the cosmos and you let things happen, or go with the flow, sometimes, you meet someone along the way, who is in many ways, just like you. if you're lucky that is. and if not, there is more time, there is nothing but time because, we the lumpen proletariat, are lied to in so many ways, that we no longer believe in time. as for me, i'll continue to breathe fire and continue letting the cosmos guide my travels........she never lets me down........

Meech Lake Soda - the Ab-Original Soda!!

this is for elijah harper

stood up against the meech lake accord

effectively killing it on the floor

good one.

have a sassy sip of meech lake soda!

coming to a rez gas station near you!

CHEERS!!!

cb

aboriginal soup!

 

taking a page from another notorious

art thief named andy warhol

i've created some nummy

aboriginal soup!!

so, dig in and enjoy!

back with a vengeance......and buffy bucks.....

hello friends, lovers, strangers, ex's......

i'm back with a vengeance.......i feel back on it, the game.....and i've been revisiting a series i did about canadian first nations icons.....and i'm going to be reposting them, but slightly different.....the buffy bucks were something i worked on ages ago but never had the balls to post, now i do.......enjoy the buffy bucks coz they're hot.....and going fast.......

i'll finally be printing some stuff up and having it available for sale as well.....time to get things done......

all the bets,


chris bose.

REACT 2010 = VanOCular Waste

hello strangers, friends, lovers, 

this is my work for the REACT 2010 site....which is: www.react2010.com

an online exhibition created by the fabulous, lovely folks at Alternator Gallery in Kelowna, BC.....

i feel this speaks for itself, the artwork i did...the olympics looming over vancity, like a spectre, the ghosts of the past that i feel still haunt the city itself, so many wrongs in a century....the city ablaze....because i feel vancity is on fire with a lot of situations, conditions and problems.....that do not seem to be addressed.? ?. ? the wolf, the lone voice, the cultural theft in the god given right of capitalism......in the form of the cheese sweaters the bay contracted to a company in china for a hundred million.....instead of, you know, contracting the people who ORIGINALLY created that style of sweaters.....but business is business and there is probably a clandestine favour or something, some kind of reason done for that deal.......the olympics in vancity are going to be a noose, a five finger wedding ring that we will all be paying for, for a long time to come......wasn't it just montreal 66 olympics that just, JUST got paid off???? in native country, there's such a strange scene, a lot of people are getting gigs, music, or art, or dj'ing or whatever....and for us, native people, i have to say is it blood money? is it not? do you lose or gain credibility by choosing to "cash in" on these potentially lucrative gigs, or taking a stand and not doing them? it's rugged, tough decisions. again, in native country, nothing surprises me, because we already walk two worlds......the native world and the non-native world, and each is packed with choices representing the human condition......

so, anyways, have a look see, it's at the Alternator Gallery right now, just ask Jen to see it, it's a beautiful, large print, 30 by 40 inches......

thanks to Jen Pickering at Alternator Gallery, the Board of Directors, the Alternator GALLERY members.......for this wonderful opportunity to share my interpretation or story of how i see this games.......

in the meantime, know that i love you, and i can't wait to see you again,

cheers,

chrisbose

REACT 2010

hello stranger,

how are you? so, here's a piece, a commission i've done for the REACT 2010 Exhibition at the Alternator Gallery, in Kelowna, BC, and I'll be there this weekend, Jan 16-18, for a panel discussion and to display the art, which is about 40 wide and 30 tall.....nice.....

on the road peeps, see you soon,

cb

the skulls series.....

hello stranger,

how goes it? i'm well, just spent five days in vancity and loved it.....that city gives and gives if you let it.....life changing, affirming things continue to happen, it is indeed, mysterious the way the cosmos beckons.......things have changed.......my art continues to evolve and i am enjoying it now.....the anger has subsided, the rage, the fury, the burning......now......seems so distant.....my life seems so distant, the person i was, the person i'm becoming......we only get one chance at this opportunity, this thing called "life" and i'm going to go for it all.....

in the meantime, i've got a lot of work to do.....and i gotta tell ya, i'm enjoying.....

i miss you folks, all the best, i'll talk again soon and send up dates as i travel along.....this coming weekend i'll be in kelowna, bc, for the REACT 2010 cooperative exhibition at the Alternator Gallery, as well as the Word Ruckus.....in Kelowna to launch and or promote my book, "Stone the Crow"......

see you down the road,


chris bose.

sometimes i wander......

sometimes i wander.......here and there.....far and near.......sometimes i wander.......

re: my life is uhhhh.......

every truth is subjective to interpretation and every interpretation is subjective to...... commonly held misbeliefs known as lies....or whatever. i like guitars.

temptation comes in many, many forms......

love, hate, desire, longing, time, space, from her to eternity i go......into the abyss.....

re: lots of stuff.....

hello stranger,

good to see you again, thanks for coming by, i was perusing back in time on this blog, and wow, the range of art and emotions.......at times very raw, at other moments angry and guarded....

i think i actually split with my ex around june 9, 2009, which would have been 2 months after our most recent child was born....jayda....

the other night, i sat down and wrote out all the times we have separated, and it seems since 2005, each christmas for a couple months, except last christmas, and after the last two babies were born....within about two months.......what is the pattern here? depression? stress? post-partum?

i don't really know, but i move through the cold and the snow on this night and know that i feel better every day, and soon the warm weather will be here and like that old song said....i will survive......and i feel i've grown as an artist, and in many ways, a person too......

thanks for coming this past year all you'se who have managed to do so, and i look forward to entertaining you plenty in the year to come......

cheers,


chris bose.

ooooooooooohhhhhhh deathhhhh won't you spare your fingers for another year???

neurotic, erotic, quixiotic.

nighthawks at the diner

i've been listening to a lot of tom waits. i dunno, it really is helping.......when you gots the blues.....anyways, one particular album that helps is 'nighthawks at the diner'.....i can relate.

and i'm working on some new art, and it's gonna be much different. i'm gonna explore new directions, and i'm recording a new album right now, blues, boozy, sexy and fun......it's gonna be done this month.....

keep you posted....

cb

best old school pawn shop i know......

this is a pawn shop that would be like the one tom waits would own....full of slingerland drums, horns and accordians....and just the weirdest stuff i've ever found....it's even got dead stuff things on walls and stuff in jars.....old paintings of nude women, tons of records, good ones, and weird old stuff you just can't find anymore....it's like exploring a pirate ship, cause it's two stories and really narrow and claustrophobic......and the owner is like a landlocked pirate, always has a beer and a smoke in his hand no matter what kind of day, but he's not ugly or fat, just a cool dude.....a fucking pirate. anyways, i've seen my share of pawn shops across north america, they've always, or used to have good instruments for a cheap price......those days are actually gone because pawn shops have gone the way of the superstore, giant, bright, gaudy and expensive..........well, i gotta go, i finally get my kids today and i'm so goddamned happy i can't believe it......it's been 9 days since i saw'em and i am so damn happy i wanna cry......in the meantime, i'm planning my 40th birthday party and it's gonna be amazing......me, tom waits and a few surprises and it's gonna be in the loops.....we might even carry it on to vancouver......

a new year.....

hello stranger,

how's it going? i'm okay, i haven't been doing too much art lately, my apologies, i've been sorta wrapped in myself and some problems i'm trying to overcome or deal with so i can move on......

once these problems are worked through, i'll be back at the art again and life will trudge through the sludge along and that will be that.......

until then, happy new year, and hopefully it will be a fantastic one!

all the bets,

cb

re: last post of the year?

okay, it's also the one year anniversary of dedicating a year to my art......now what?

look for a job? continue doing what i'm doing now?

sigh, it's also confusing, exhausting and challenging to think about what to do "now".........

mainly i miss the kids, my family, coz, a family is the gift, the love you get sustains you, the magic thing about kids i think is their optimism. they get up each day, play, eat, play some more, and are just so ready to learn, and love and be happy......i miss seeing that every single day......it's so incredible......

i miss seeing them.

well, be well and happy new years!!

i'm getting it together and feel a little better each day.......

all the bets,


cb

last day of the year......

so, here it is, the last day of the year, and it's been insane.....i've done so much art, films and released a book of poetry, traveled a lot, and blah blah.........the price was i lost the wonderful little people in these photos and their mum too......i'm charting a course i created a long time ago......and wish i wasn't......these little people are the most important beings in my life.......i miss them, their mum too, though i know it's over......and so i guess i'm saying, hold onto the ones you love, coz you never know when any of this mortal coil will disappear.....i mean it......so, now i have to sort of rebuild my life again.....and a year ago, a week before christmas was the last time i worked a 'real' or 'steady' job....and have been doing art as a living......basically, i realized being an artist is a self-centered endeavour......and sooner or later you have to look around before it all disappears, i have to accept responsibility for my actions.....well, all the best, i will continue to do new art and stuff over the next year.......don't lose hope......coz one day i know it'll all work out.......

my honour......

during difficult times, as in, when my ex and i break up, for the tenth time......and i realize a few things.....i always turn to leonard cohen and charles bukowski for comfort, instead of, you know, a shrink or something......lame......

and this is one of the pomes that makes me feel less alone.......redux.......

my honour is in bad shape
i'm crawling at a woman's feet
she doesn't give an inch
i look good for thirty nine
but
thirty nine is thirty nine
i'm not even a fallen zen master
i'm this guy in casual clothes
like an aging skater
my lawyer took my words away
and locked them in a safe
i'm defenceless against
her arrogance
her youthful need to "spread her wings"
her amazingly well timed "card pulling"
on me
she has become surprisingly manipulative
but i know when the world is slow
she turns to me
for an easy victory
i'll rise up one of these days
find my way to the airport
i'll rise up and say
i loved you better than you loved me
and then i'll die for a long time
at the centre of my own dismal
lack of organization
and i'll remember today
the day when i was that asshole
in casual clothes
like an aging skater in denial
who couldn't take it any longer.......

paris/vancouver/kamloops 2009

cb

smoke and mirrors

i've got to learn to shut up, and appreciate what i've got. maybe, we all do before we lose what we have......does that make sense?

almost everything....

okay,

not quite everything, a gig in front of sixty thousand people might make it all worth this shit.

prolly not tho.......

i've got to make choices.....

cb

re: everythyng i wanted...

ha ha ha so
fucking lame.

i have everything i wanted, but at the same time, i've lost everything i had to get here.....

ha ha i wonder, is this how it is for everyone who wants it?

ha ha ha i guess it makes everything pointless to get here hey? i miss my kids and my woman. things i gave up blindly to get here.....and you're past times consisted of the strange, the twisted and deranged....

cb

exhausted.

'allo beautiful people......hope you are well out there in cyberia.....i'm well enough, i was quite exhausted this past weekend, but survived. barely.

i'm home for a couple weeks and then off and running like mad for some more gigs and touring jan until march......all ze way across canada....

working on a four or five song e.p. over the next two weeks as well.....

i did some art today as you can see and am very pleased with it, after a week off, it gets easy to get lazy and come up with excuses as to why you aren't doing any art....

meh, i continue.

cb

suite jesus

love and lust.

rez kids.

tempus fugit

i'm in the city, it smells like liquor, heavy cigars, perfume, pastries, meat, falafel, exhaust, addiction and many more things......i guess this art inspired it........

cb

re: the roads....

hey y'all,

sorry i haven't posted anything lately other dime store philosophy and navel gazing....but i've had a lot on my mind, sorta blocking me from art.....plus, i just got an iphone and have been playing with that endlessly, downloading apps and craps. i've also been touring a lot, i did 5 days in five different cities this past week, which was awesome, but exhausting.....it seemed like i got out of the car, did a gig, got back in the car, did another gig, meet, greet, wine, dine, hotel, sleep, back in the car, gig, and so forth.

i'm not bitching, it's just sorta distracting.....this is exactly what i wanted. so i'm happy with it......hopefully the momentum continues to build and we'll just eventually be able to go apeshit wild with this thing and incorporate more media/arts and music into it.....

january is filling up nicely with more gigs, and i'm thinking february will be a good time to hit the road.....edmonton, calgary, lethbridge, regina, saskatoon, brandon, winnipeg are some of the places i'll hit on the road, then fly over to toronto for gigs as well, hitting ottawa and montreal....maybe sneak down to NYC!! in march i'll be in vancouver shooting a music video as well as developing this wicked t.v. series.....that'll feature, well, lots of cool stuff i can't tell you about.....muhahahahaha........

and in the summer, i'm going to take an RV, fill it with digital arts stuff and drive across canada giving shows in every place i stop, sort of like a mobile gallery/studio.....

so, i'll keep you posted, and i promise i'll post some new art up asap.....i've got a few things stashed away for a dry spell........

miss you lots lovers, friends, foe......see you on ze other side.......


cb

re: the time seems slow

as i continue navel gazing, and staring at my shoes, the wall, the cities around me as i travel.....i think more about how yes, most of us are doing the exact same thing we were when this century started, some of us have escaped, some found a door to go through that changed their lives while others still, continue to struggle, to starve, to survive......i guess we're all just trying to find our way, to make our mark, to do something with our lives.....or not. i just read a "coming of age" story called, "Paul Moves Out" by Michel Rabagliati, a comic illustrator from montreal.....it's very clever, and moves you through many years and people before leaving on an interesting note, the quiet of a room after the absence of children. i know this all too well....when my kids go home, the place is unnervingly silent. they have such an incredible bombastic energy, running, jumping, climbing, shouting, playing.....and then they're gone. recently i went to my tattoo guy's place, and they have a lot of kids. i think the most kids of anyone, more than me even, and the house was strangely quiet, and i asked where the kids were and he and his wife said, "oh they're here, they're just downstairs...." and then i picked up my guitar and we started jamming a bit, and sure enough, one by one they all came upstairs to see who was over visiting.....

back in the day, jamming meant booze, loud singing, and stomping feet.....so, the kids were never really excited, and in fact, came to associate music in a negative way.....hopefully that'll change, but what i noticed was how big the kids got, and they were not little kids anymore......they came up, said hi and saw everything was okay and went back downstairs....probably relieved we were no longer crazy boozers.....and in face, the jam was really, really good...i belted out a few songs, grant sang a few, and i played lead guitar for his stuff, noodling around, and it was really great fun....sober nonetheless.....to be honest, i envied them, because somehow, over the years, the struggles, the poverty, the partying, and everything else, all the people who have come and gone in their lives, they were still together and in love.....a visible real love and their kids had a safe, warm house to live in, while my ex and i had gone through similar things, we had fallen by the way, and i mourn the loss. we attemped, to be fair, half-heartedley a couple times, to reconcile, but things seemed to work against us, almost as if fate were playing a cruel game. i now haven't seen my kids in nearly two weeks. that's two weeks i'll never get back. i miss them so much, it aches in my heart, and i struggle each day to look on the bright side of things.....they have such a wonderful energy, and the cute kids smell, my daughter's hair, my son's wild, bouncing energy, his eyes that everyone seems to love.....which, incidently, he gets tired of hearing about ha ha.....i also have a baby daughter, but i hardly get the chance to see her.....she looks remarkably like her mother....it's weird......anyway, i guess finding a way out of this is my goal......to change the future, let go of the past and exist in the now is easier said than done.....

yesterday, i was in the coolest pawn shop i know of, it's in Vernon, called the 30th ave pawnshop, it is unbelievable, and the guy who runs it is quite the character.....he always drinks beer and smokes cigarettes, no matter what time i go there......tells it like it is, and seems to be a land-locked pirate.....i'll post some photos later......anyway, we chatted a bit, and told me some pretty good advice......which you'll have to wait to hear....coz i gotta go.......later skaters,


cb

buddhas

re: new stuff coming down

hey peeps,

i've been working on some new stuff....i'll post it shortly, been pretty busy doing readings, launching the new book and other things....

but something i've been thinking about a lot lately is, time.....as in, what will i, or you, or your spouse, your mates be doing in five years? it seems to me, most of us let time slide by and nothing much changes......

right now, i'm in a strange place, in that i don't "work" a nine to five job any more, i do contract work and travel often.......i think this is better for me, and for society at large, as i'm no longer a miserable so and so......time goes by so quickly, most of the people i know are doing the exact same thing they were at the start of this century.....it's kinda weird......i can't think of any that have changed their financial, social or academic status, though, many have changed their marital status a couple times.....single moms i know remain single moms, the kids are getting older, the mums are a little more jaded, a little more bitter, but nothing much has changed, single dads become players again, and bought new houses and restarted their lives, people i know in the retail/service industry are still there slaving away for the shit wages, why i don't know, artists and or musicians i've known have either quit and never play or create art anymore, or if they are serious about it, moved to larger centers....and are still trying, writers i know are still creating new stuff and publishing new work..........i've seen marriages come and go, i can count on one hand the "successful" ones.....i've seen so many trends and fads come and go, this town go from a mill town to a call centre town back to a retail town.....i've seen people get addicted and lose it all to a little white rock or a powder.....i've seen some lose it all to the bottle.....and i see some couples struggling with their families and finances......it is so weird to step back from this weird thing called "reality" and watch what's going on around you.....in my world, a week can be the longest amount of time ever, or it flies by unbelievably......all this makes me wonder where my life is going to be in five years......ideally, i'll be on tour playing music or promoting a book....i'm sitting on three manuscripts of creative non-fiction and another book of poetry....not too mention a ton of music......what it all boils down to is getting it out there and done.....five years ago i was working in a field pulling weeds on an organic farm, bitter, tired, broken and sad.....now i'm developing a t.v. series, promoting a book, and getting ready to suck it up and step up to the mic and start creating music and using my voice......it's been a long painful road, and so much has been lost, to gain what i know now.....i miss my family, but i keep moving on......

cb

re: awright.

so, i'm looking at some older manuscripts, five or six year old manuscripts....and, nothing much has changed in the world, other than the hell i've been through.....

it has taken a long time to get here, where i am at this moment, and i've lost so much to get here.....but i will not quit, and i must persevere down this road that is infinitely wide.....

along the way, i've seen and met a lot of people, some i've seen carried away by the undertow of life, sex and death, others, lost to partying, to addictions, to madness, to love, and those closest to me, again and again we've tried.....i would try again, until we get it right it's worth each attempt.....

today i hung out with an old friend, he came up to my studio, we jammed a bit, but mainly sat around chatted about the past couple years.....i realized that i tend to isolate myself from people, and i need to continue doing what i am doing right now.......

staying sober, working hard, and getting things done.

well, i should go before i start blubbering.......i also learned an old friend passed away tonight in a fatal head-on collision.....yesterday, i drove past a fatal car crash on the number one, the trans-canada, the cops were there the ambulance, the car was covered in a tarp, and there were no sirens....they were all smoking except whoever flipped their car end over end until they died....it's been an intense few months....

well, good luck to you, and i'll post some new art the next day or two.....

cb

sorry is the hardest thing to say sometimes......

you know when you say something so stupid or do something totally idiotic, and instantly regret it.....well, sometimes sorry is the hardest thing to say.......i miss my kids, i love them. i'm bored in this little town, but for now, this is where i am.

and i'm learning new cool things in photoshop!! WOOT!!!

the kids!

today, i met someone who knew so much more than me in many ways, one of the things i learned was this incredible photoshop technique above.....and i had been trying to capture how much i love my kids without.....you know, being super bad cheesy....i think this technique works pretty damn well.....

just goes to show, sometimes the teacher ends up being taught a thing or two......